What is Attachment Theory?

Think of your friendships, relationships in your business life, relationships with our own children… Even your relationship with your spouse… Are we forming these relationships voluntarily? Are our qualifications that we think to be our characteristics and to be unchangeable really our choice?
It may sound surprising, but it wouldn't be wrong to say that the answers to these questions relate to “the style of attachment” we develop with our parents. The first relationship we establish when we open our eyes to the world is actually a major determinant of our other relationships. In other words, attachment begins with the relationship that children establish with their parents from the first moment they are born and it continues for life to a great extent.
Bowlby's observations at a childcare center in England led him to form the Attachment Theory. Although babies were well cared for here, they were behind the age norm in terms of physical and social development. But only one baby was developing normally. The only difference between this child and the other children with developmental retardation was that the same cleaner played with him every night. As a result of this and many other observations, Bowlby linked these symptoms in children to a history of maternal absence and separation.
The attachment system is established on average in the sixth month, settled well in the first year and completed in the third year. Therefore, the first three years, more importantly, the first year is a very critical time for attachment.
So what is this attachment?
Bowlby (1969), the founder of Attachment Theory, defines attachment as “strong emotional bonds that a person develops with people they consider important to them”. Establishing such strong interpersonal bonds is important for one to survive and to continue his/her life. In other words, without the attachment between mother and child, a baby would not have been able to grow up physically and emotionally healthy, and it would probably be less likely to survive.
How Many People Can a Baby or an Adult Be Connected to at the Same Time?
One person only! An individual can be attached to only one person both in infancy and adulthood. It is impossible to connect to more than one person at the same time. The person connected during infancy is “the caregiver”, which is usually “the mother”. In adulthood, it evolves into a friend or partner.
So How Do We Choose The Person To Connect To?
Our biology and the hormones we excrete help us a lot at this point. Oxytocin is the hormone excreted during childbirth, breastfeeding, mother-child bonding and social relationships. Oxytocin is also known as the love hormone. In men, this task is undertaken by the hormone vasopressin. These two hormones predispose the biological mother and father to develop attachment with their baby. Yet, this is not enough.
There are four indispensable criteria for mother-baby attachment to occur.
Accessibility of the Mother
In order to choose another person as the attachment figure, it must be accessible, that is, physically present. The mother who disappears after the birth of her child cannot be the object of attachment. First of all, she should be with her baby with her presence, make eye contact, she must touch to her baby or talk with it, etc.
 
Mother's Sensitivity
The mother's sensitivity is related to the baby's sensitivity to attachment signals and how much she can recognize these signals. When the baby starts to tense up, her mother can understand what is going on with it even the others do not even notice. For example, while everyone is chatting in the living room, the sensitive mother hears the cry of her child, which no one else hears. This situation is related to the mother's sensitivity.
Mother's Positive Reaction
We said that the mother is sensitive and recognizes the signals given by her child. Also, the mother should respond positively to these signals. For example, saying "Damn, the baby woke up again!" is a negative reaction. On the contrary, it is positive reaction to go to your child when he/she wakes up, talk to him/her with a smile and change his/her diaper.
Mother's Response Quality
A mother can be approachable, sensitive, positively reactive, but this does not mean that the quality of her response is good. Response quality means that the mother acts in accordance with the needs of her child. For example, consider a baby who is sleepy and therefore cries. The reaction quality of a mother who tries to feed the baby thinking that the baby is hungry is low under these circumstances. This mother cannot soothe the child's anxiety.
These four main steps are the basis of secure attachment. If these four steps are achieved in the first three years, it is almost impossible to establish an insecure relationship between mother and baby. All that remains to be done is: ALLOW THE BABY TO EXPLORE. Babies are born as explorers, with the desire to know around. The desire to know exists in every individual. The desire of some to know was eliminated in childhood, while others were supported and created individuals who created new products. There is no better area in which we can contribute to the development of our children than to help them discover themselves and their surroundings. That's why letting our children discover their surroundings and themselves is as important as these 4 criteria.
In addition, this three-year attachment relationship we establish with our child is largely determinant of the interpersonal relationships they will establish in adulthood. Unfortunately, children who cannot establish a secure attachment pattern with their caregivers are less likely to establish a secure relationship in the future unless they find a safe partner or receive psychological support.
In summary, the attachment established with the caregiver not only affects childhood, but can also be the underlying answer to many behaviors that we cannot explain. Recognizing the problem is the first and most important step towards solving it.  
REFERENCES
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Attachment (Vol. 1). New York: Basic.
Bowlby, J., & Ainsworth, M. (2013). The origins of attachment theory. Attachment theory: Social, developmental, and clinical perspectives, 45.
Bowlby, J., & Robertson, J. (1952). A two-year-old goes to hospital. A copy of this scientific film is in the National Archives. London: Tavistock Child Development Research Unit.
Bretherton, I. (1992). The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Developmental Psychology, 28(5), 759–775.