Istanbul Gelisim University, Psychology Department Lecturer Cansu Yurtseven has made statements about the reasons of disloyalty in relationships: "For most people, cheating is primarily a way to escape from the routine of the day, life patterns that rule our lives and the habits they caused, and avoid the feeling of deprivation of a person.”

"COUPLES SEARCH FOR A SAFE HAVEN”

Psychologists Cansu Yurtseven stated that many people have utopian dreams about being a couple and married. She continued: “They want that marriages bring happiness, heal the wounds of past, excite them and always be like the first day. Unfortunately, individuals who expect too much from marriage are more likely to lose their love. In cases where marriage is in agony however the cheating person stays at home either because of financial problems or because of children, couples cheat more intensely. While the person is struggling for a difficult marriage, he/she may search for a safe haven where he/she will feel good.”

CHEATING IS HORMONAL

Psychologist Yurtseven explained that cheating is sometimes seen as a new experience and sometimes as a psychological need. She added:

"An old proverb says, 'Marriage is the tomb of love'. Is it really like this? What would happen in marriage which may cause the disappearance of love? Science has some facts which prove this. Approximately at the end of three years, dopamine, which is the basis of passion is replaced by oxytocin, which is the maternity hormone. However, the relationship of couple does not end with the loss of dopamine, the hormone of passion. They have love and respect. However, neither female nor male are satisfied with this new rhythm caused by oxytocin. They still want to feel very good and excited when they see each other as the first time. Therefore, individual may go and find someone who will cause him/her to produce dopamine hormone once again. Therefore, sometimes cheating is named as a “new experience” which will energize and trigger a life that may turn into monotony. Sometimes it occurs as meeting a personal psychological need.”
 
"INDIVIDUALS AIM PLEASURE”"

Yurtseven said: “One of the other major factors on infidelity is the sexuality turning into a duty in long relationships. As individuals begin to consider sexuality not as being satisfied or to satisfy, but an obligation of marriage and emotional relationships, couples tend to spontaneity and passion of sexuality and choose cheating. This is also one of the possible factors. It is important to remember that individuals do not seek to reproduce in sexuality, but they aim to have pleasure.”

Yurtseven said that those who think that intimacy will weaken themselves will turn to cheating. She added: “The belief that being attached to someone would weaken the self, forces the individual to cheat even if he/she is happy in relationship.  This is often directly related to the person's past, the style of attachment he/she developed and the relationship of trust with his/her parents.”

“FOR WOMEN, CHEATING IS A REVOLT”

Psychologist Cansu Yurtseven stated that the number of women who cheat are almost same with the number of men who cheat. She added: “The biggest trigger of this is the new contraception methods developed. Women who know that these methods can reduce the risk of extra-marital pregnancy do choose cheating. Some women consider cheating not as a revolt against the man, but as an act of revolt against their 'society'. All of these are the factors that lead to infidelity which undermines marriage or relationship. On the other hand, studies indicate that infidelity is the most challenging issue following loss of attachment and alcoholism.”

”PROBLEMS SHOULD BE DETERMINED“

Yurtseven said: “When couples face cheating, they should make the distinction accurately. Did cheating cause the relationship to have problems, or did the bad relationship open the door to cheating The individual should try to understand the infidelity here instead of finding valid/just reasons for it. A damaged relationship can be rebuilt only like this. Of course, the question of “Should it be rebuilt?” depends on couples and their individual preferences. Although many relationships / marriages end as a result of infidelity, the researches indicate that some of the couples who decided to come together again after cheating may have more loyal and more affectionate relationships than in the past, and they are more satisfied than before. The reason for this is that both sides have determined the problems in their relationship and decided to fix those. For example; being robbed is something unwanted and it distresses the individual. But if this happened, it is not the fault of person who is being robbed. The crime is theft and the criminal is the thief. What if someone robbed decides to continue living in the same house? He/she will then identify the vulnerabilities of the house and the measures that may be taken to ensure security at home and try to resolve them. Just like a person who has been cheated but decides to continue with the relationship. This includes determining the areas of conflict in the relationship which makes it more sensitive to external factors, the level of conflict, emotional and physical intimacy level, expectations in a relationship and factors that wear the relationship and to fix those.”

“WE MUST FIND THE REASONS“

Yurtseven stated that infidelity can be a trauma and the way to repair this trauma iss to understand, accept and forgive that. She continued: “I do not say to continue with the relationship or to have the same partner again. No matter what decision a person gives after betrayal, the easiest way to get over this is to stop revolting but to accept. Accepting, submitting to the effects of that trauma does not mean to think that what is experienced is fair or that they should be forgotten. It means to stop seeing the things as they should be, but to see them as they are. When we start to see things as they are, we can find the reasons easier and see what we can change. If the reasons do not change, then the events do not and neither will results. Therefore, instead of being stuck in the past or being concerned about the future, people should remain “here and now” and solve the problems.”