There are days left for the school orientation week. Millions of students will attend their first class on Monday. Parents are also worried about children who will begin school. Psychiatry Expert Prof Dr. Ahmet Ertan Tezcan warned the parents. Stating that school phobia is a concern for the child about leaving the mother, Tezcan also added: “Anxiety is a universal feeling from mother to mother and from mother to child”.

Istanbul Gelisim University, Department of Psychology lecturer Prof. Dr. Ahmet Ertan Tezcan said that concept of school phobia manifests itself when child does not want to go to school, and not wanting to remain in school, abdominal pain, dizziness and nausea. He added: “The child can take shelter under an organic cause. Families sometimes take this organic cause seriously and take the child to the doctor but nothing can be found in the examinations. In fact, what is called school phobia is the anxiety of child separating from the mother. Child thinks that something bad will happen to himself/herself or to those who are left at home Therefore, child does not want to leave and go to school. Even if he/she goes after great insistence and promise, child says to mother: “you will come too and you will be in my classroom with me” or 'I want to see you when I look through the glass at the door.” In the beginning, some mothers consider this normal and take the child to school and then wait at school for hours.”

SCHOOL PHOBIA MAY LEAD TO TAKE A BREAK FROM SCHOOL

Tezcan said that the mother's anxiety about raising the child passes n to the child at an advanced age.  He said: “There are mothers who are concerned that their child will fall down from the balcony or when the child moves closer to a plug  he/she will be electrocuted, that their child will suffocate while drinking something, that the child will get cold by the sea or when the child has fever, he/she will suffer from anemia.  This concern also arises in the form of anxiety which we call school phobia in the child and may end up with school rejection and occasional school breaks”. 

Tezcan added that anxiety is a universal feeling that passes from mother to mother, from mother to child, and the mother and child should develop a relationship based on basic trust, he said. He said: “Mothers shall not reflect the anxiety and concern to the child, the child should not grow in that environment and therefore will be able continue to live as a happy child. Fathers are not as responsible as the mother regarding the development of anxiety. The child is a symbiotic being and mother provides basic trust until the first 6 months, because the child continues to see himself/herself as part of the mother. Father can usually remain in the form of shade, but then he will give the complementary elements of trust, but mother is in charge throughout this process”.

“DO NOT TRY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM WITH RELATION BASED BRIBE” 

He underlined that parents should understand that school phobia is a disease. Prof. Dr. Ahmet Tezcan continued: “There are very simple treatment methods. If the child says 'I'm scared of school, I don't want to go to school', and if you realize that this is school phobia and you get professional support, this problem can be solved within a week or two. However, if you try to solve it by pushing or promising “your grandfather will get you chocolate if you go to school”, “I will buy you something”, then the child will think that he/she is not understood by the parent. The worst thing in life is not to be understood. People are afraid of not being understood”.
 
THERE ARE 5 GOLDEN RULES TO RAISE A CHILD

Prof. Dr. Tezcan said that being angry has no place among the new generation and added that there are 5 golden rules for raising a child:
 
“There are five golden rules to raise a child. First rule is tolerance, regardless of anything. Second one is to love unlimited. Parents should never say: 'I will love you if you eat.' Three, we have to do what we want to see. If you want a child who is studying, he/she should see us reading. If we want a non-smoker, the child should not see us smoking. We must teach what we want to teach, not by word, but by our actions. The fourth and perhaps the simplest rule is to ignore little mischief by child. We will see and appreciate the good things. Fifth, child should know that we will support unconditionally and we should never lie when our children are around. Because lying is an attitude which is learned from parents”.
 
”WE DO NOT RAISE OUR CHILDREN AS CONNECTED, BUT AS DEPENDENT”

 Stressing that some families are more sensitive than needed, Tezcan said: “The family needs to spiritually absorb the school itself. Unfortunately, parents start school with the child. However, the child should live his/her own life and family should support the child only when needed. It is necessary to push the child from the dependent state to a sort of autonomy. We raise our children not as connected, but as dependent. Sometimes the first condition of a man who married a woman is: “ I cannot live apart from my mother” because he was raised as dependent. Such dependencies cause other complications by time”.
Tezcan said that the relationship between the teacher and the parent should be balanced and civilized. He added: “There must be an invisible bridge between the parent and teacher. As a teacher, we have always taught children what they should think about. We need to teach children how to think”.