Expert Psychologist Kahraman Güler is talking about Schema Therapy.

Expert Psychologist Kahraman Güler emphasized that schema therapy is good for interpersonal relations and relationship problems. He added: “It offers alternative ways and new perspectives to individuals in relation with the problems experienced in the relationships and romance. Through this, it is possible to have a healthy and peaceful relationship.”

Istanbul Gelisim University, Department of Psychology Lecturer Expert Psychologist Kahraman Güler said that schema therapy is designed for interpersonal problems, relationship problems and personality problems, and it uses cognitive, behavioral, interpersonal and experiential techniques as an integrative theory. He also said that the schema therapy had positive impact on interpersonal relational problems.

Giving information about the schemas within us, the Expert Clinical Psychologist Kahraman Güler said: “Those who have experienced the same mistakes over and over again, who always have insensitive partners, who find themselves in a relationship with an unrelated and unreliable partner, or who think “I constantly find a problematic person in my love life” and those who say 'I'm very unlucky' are those who were affected by schemas. These individuals generally state that they do not find consistent people attractive and that they are not excited at all. The schemas are like the bad side in us, constantly moving away from the good one, leading us to the bad one and nourishing from the negative side. Our basic goal should be nourishing the good side in us.”

EVENTS ARE EVALUATED ACCORDING TO SCHEMAS

Explaining that the treatment offers alternative ways and new perspectives to the individuals who have problems in their relations and romance life, Expert Clinical Psychologist Kahraman Güler added:

"It is possible to have a healthier and more peaceful relationship with the schema therapy. The human being, a social being, interacts with others from the moment of conception. Basic universal needs of a human being is mostly met through interaction with others. The first encounter is with mother, starting from toddler and early childhood periods. Then, from the father and the society, we develop some stereotypes about ourselves and the world while these needs are being fulfilled or these needs are met, and these mold judgments are called 'schemas'. it becomes stronger and more difficult to change. The schemas serve as filters. We evaluate the events and situations according to the schemas we have and give our decisions according to them.”

"OBSESSED LOVERS HAVE A SCHEMA OF BEING DUMPED”

Normally, schemas are simplifying the life. Güler says, the 18 schemas within the scope of schema theory are considered as dysfunctional. He said: “If you have a being dumped scheme to prevent the separation of your loved ones pushes them to take over and to constantly control the behavior. With jealousy and a sense of competition, you feel compelled to deal more. Obsessive lovers schemas for being dumped. The most basic indicator of skepticism is that you have difficulty in trusting other people. People might have abusing partners. The most important problem is that you feel deprived of trust, which is the basic sense of a healthy relationship. People with emotional deprivation schemas experience feelings of loneliness, pain and sadness, and they have no idea that these about what causes these emotions. Those who seek interest and empathy and those who ignore the need for love are also included to this schema.”

”TEMPLATE JUDGMENTS ARE OBSTACLES FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP”

Güler said that the common point of all these problems is the negative stereotypes created by some unmet universal needs.  He added: “Relations end eventually, 'I mean, let me finish first' or continuously transmit, automatic thoughts like 'all women are spoiled when they are all very happy,' are sentences as stereotypes of this schema. Template judgments such as: “I can never have a healthy relationship”, “I am inadequate”, “I should criticize my partner before he/she criticizes me”. When such schemas are constantly experienced they lead to serious interpersonal problems, problems in relationships and personality disorders.  

”BASIC PURPOSE IS TO BREAK THE NEGATIVE THOUGHT“

Güler, who lists what they are doing as psychotherapists regarding such situations, said: “In order to help our patients reach their basic needs by changing their modes of adaptation, and the ways in which a few schemas come together, in conforming behavior, in order to help them reach their basic needs is what we do. What are these needs? Secure attachment, love, interest, autonomy, competition, desire to feel valuable and adequate. The main goal here is to keep the right behaviors and to break the negative thought and to challenge them and make them dysfunctional. We try to change the exaggerated belief that relationships will eventually end. We help people choose consistent and reliable spouses, and control jealousy and anger.”

”THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY“

Güler has explained what happens after a good schema therapy process: “You will have the chance to determine the lover who has positive impact on you and you will have a healthier and happier time with that person. You can embank your feelings for unnecessary controversies and discussions. You will overcome unnecessary jealousy and fear of losing. After therapies, you can start making friends who treat you right and criticize and praise when necessary. We can nurture the injured, hurt and angry child within you by breaking the schemas. It is possible to live a true and good love and relationship life. There is always a way.”